Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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