Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
