apparently the secret to your success is patron
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
