Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
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sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
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