Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
