Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
