Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just had sex on a roof
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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