I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
