i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
