I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
