She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and she was petting her beer can
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
