just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize