Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
