Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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