I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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