What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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