I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
