he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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