When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
