I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
