I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
