It was confusing and full of hummus
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
