Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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