Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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