Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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