I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
what the fuck happened to the tacos
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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