I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
