new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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