so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
