I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
