Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
