i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
