i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
