i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
