Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
