so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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