i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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