why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
