Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
