Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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