Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
