I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
