The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
