he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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