She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
