meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
