Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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