I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
