...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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