I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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