it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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