Kiss
Puke
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
