I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Alive.
So much puke
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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