he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
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Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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