ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize