Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
