And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
