Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
