i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
