Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
