Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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