I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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