Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
