you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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