so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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