I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
