can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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