bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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