don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And then my night got REAL pukey
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
