You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
