this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
